Distressed African at 30

Life at 30

I cant speak for everyone else but like at 30 as a man isn’t easy..especially if at that age you got nothing to account for ;depression kicks in…. there are some people at 30 that dont have anything to account for aswell but are okay the way they are…honestly when i look at them i just dont get it , is it just me that’s tripping or what because just that thought of all this don’t even make my mind straight. i dont have any girl. what will i be doing her with no money , just call and check up?… how long will i be doing that for? i mean i should be able to take her out and stuff you know buy her things. if i say fine , okay im not doing all that just hope she likes me for me, lets face it we in the 21st century things just dont work like that no more you know especially at the age of 30. I come from a family which i will say is okay papas is doing good with his diplomatic work mums doing alright in the shipping industry. i have a big brother is doing well too but like they all just turn a blind eye to things that is happening in a my life. It isn’t like man is stupid like, i have a college degree in business administration and doing a short course in transport and logistics for a certificate you know but anyways i know man cannot depend on another man but rather on God. Now lets talk about that; i never grew up that religious to be really honest i don’t really consider myself as someone that is religious, i dont even know how that’s like. People are trying to get me there but i don’t really see myself being there, it’s not something i’m proud of but not something i regret either. Now this is the worse part, i dont even know what i think i am good at.. maybe writing? because in a particular state of mind i can sit and write for a very long period. Maybe writing is my calling but i just don’t know it yet. I am full of ideas when it comes to something entertainment related that i know of but with deep thought I’m sure ill know something i might be good at. Most times i feel this isnt the country for me to be in . I should consider going back to Europe i think thats where my calling might be. It sucks being this age and having nothing, you loose respect from peers even though they claim that isn’t it….but as long as i live to see another day there’s definitely another way. I like to think sometimes it is lessons from past mistakes but i cant hold on to things that happened to me in that past and use ot to judge my future that will be just some cowardly way of thinking i know for sure i am not a coward mama didnt raise no coward, i know im smart , maybe not a straight A’s student but come one man i made it this far even with all this shit im going through didnt get nobody daughter pregnant didnt turn out an alcoholic nor a drug addict funny enough even most people that got their life together have even turned into addicts like how is that not happening to me like i said… its because i’m smart and will continue to be but lets face it…life at 30 with nothing sucks!!!!